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Why did the Civil War Have to Happen?, 8.9 out of 10 based on 234 ratings
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Rating: 8.9/10 (234 votes cast)

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47 Responses to “Why did the Civil War Have to Happen?”

  1. ryan says:

    Technically, it WASN’T to free the slaves. But, it was a fortunate side-effect. :D

  2. Claire says:

    Actually, it WASN’T to free the slaves, as the other person mentioned… schools these days suck.

  3. tuco says:

    linus is right. It was more about the balance of state power and federal power, and whether a state had the right to secede. Slavery sparked it, but wasn’t absolute reason

  4. Jim John says:

    Man, you guys are complete Debbie Downing Nerds. Let it be sarcastic and funny…

  5. Joe says:

    Technically, it WASN’T to free the slaves. But, it was an unfortunate side-effect.

  6. Boo Radley says:

    I still keep slaves.

  7. Jeff says:

    Yes, they taste like chicken. Hmmm….

  8. david says:

    As others have said, the civil war did not break out over the issue of slavery, ruining this little joke. It is probably intended to read something like this:

    PERSON A: OMG I’M SO STUPID!
    PERSON B: Wow, you just said something really dumb…

    Instead it’s more like this:

    PERSON A: OMG I’M SO STUPID!
    PERSON: LOL YEAH BUT I AM STUPID TOO RIGHT?

  9. noyousuck says:

    Actually – you’re all pedantic assholes.

    The joke – and its meaning – still work just fine, because…

    Nicole asks “why did it have TO HAPPEN?” not “what caused?” or “how did the war start exactly?”

    I think it’s safe to say the Civil War needed to happen in order to free the slaves (sure it would’ve happened anyway by now – but you get what I’m sayin’) not to mention the added benefit of killing-off all of those inbred southerners.

    If at first you don’t secede…

  10. Emily says:

    I just think it’s ironic that the girl asking it is black.

  11. Peacey says:

    The Civil War didn’t happen to free the slaves. It was an economical war. The South states were slave states and when Texas was made state, they had a choice, they could make it a slave state or it could be a free state. The south revolted because they wanted Texas to be a slave state and that is when everything started.

  12. Poodle says:

    You’re all wrong, actually.

    The civil war WAS fought over slavery. Textbooks today love to downplay that fact, but “states rights” was the argument used by slave-owning states to justify their stance. Northern States were held to return escaped slaves due to the Fugitive Slave Act, but refused to fund efforts to do so, and rather than take a moral stance, they just claimed they hadn’t the cash. This aggravated the south, eventually leading to secession.

    If you have any doubts as to the reason for secession and the war, read South Carolina’s Articles of Secession. They explicitly state that they are leaving because of the north’s increasing hostility to slavery.

    Also, read “Lies My Teacher Told Me” by James W. Loewen. It’s an excellent book to self-teach real American history with.

  13. Hammlin says:

    I’m pretty sure the joke is in the irony.

  14. yesirock says:

    @noyousuck:
    kinda ironic, but unfortunate/true, if you ever use the word pedantic, you ARE pedantic. not saying I’m not…but whatever, that’s besides the point.

  15. Compton says:

    To all you people typing in really proper grammar and fag wording only a lawyer would use, especially for some bullshit posting like this on such a bullshit website and have obviously taken this way too serious: You are all douchebags. You may be the high school goth kids that sit in the back of history class, attempting to pay attention but don’t learn shit and now you try to use your repressed dog shit knowledge in talking about stupid shit no one cares about. Or you could just be hillbilly rich, and watch way too many history channel documentaries about the South, but never really learned anything since you change the channel after the opening credits and now you’re just spitting out gibberish that has built up in your head over 30 years of watching infomercials, Bob Ross how-to painting shows, and the Dukes of Hazzard

    To everyone else that’s down for slave jokes: It’s a party in the USA.

  16. Chad says:

    Your all petty much right, except those of you who know your not. No war is started for one reason but rather many. If it was just one problem it easily could have been taken care of. And while slavery wasn’t the main reason, it became a big point eventually. The emancipation proclamation wasn’t even made until after the war had started and the south had began to negotiate with France to send reinforcements for their states rights cause. However when it became a slave war they backed out, which is probably the only reason the north and south aren’t two different countries now, and the west doesn’t belong to the french.

  17. Ash says:

    You’re all boring nerds.

  18. Shnike says:

    Well, it was fought to free the slaves – that was one of the primary objectives. Schools don’t teach it that way anymore because it is seen as being too controversial. School textbooks are written by corporate interest groups and sold to the highest bidders. If you were to read a proper history book you would get the whole story. =)

  19. S says:

    It wasn’t about slavery or freedom whatsoever; the more heavily industrialized Northern States wanted to eliminate slavery because it would give them an economic advantage over the South, which relied on slave labour.

  20. Clayton Bigsby says:

    White power

  21. dirtycutmaster says:

    Cash.

    Simple question, simple answer.

    Show me ONE main conflict in the last 3000 years that is not about cash.
    Oh, yes, the question itself is ironic. But its aaaaaalllllll about the cash. Ever. It is.
    Seriously.

  22. dirtycutmaster says:

    Or was it SEX??

    No. It is CASH.

    Definitely.

  23. Nick Manchester says:

    Civil war needed to happen because Nova took out a residential city block. The media got pissed and Tony Stark realized that superheroes were loose cannons. A whole bunch of crazy shit happened, but in the end we all learned a lesson. Captain America is a pretty cool guy.

  24. myballsyourchin says:

    You guys are a bunch of think you know it all nerds. Why cant you just navigate to porn and beat off like everybody else on the internet does.

  25. Swamp Angel says:

    It WAS fought over states rights. Prior to the War of Northern Aggression, states would declare certain federal laws with which they did not agree null and void within the borders of their respective states. This was known as nullification. Then, just as now, the federal government frequently overstepped its constitutional boundaries. The southern states essentially had enough of Washinton’s bullying and decided enough was enough.

    If you can find a copy of the Constitution of the Confederate States of America, you’ll see that there isn’t much difference between it and the US Constitution.

    Slavery really wasn’t a real motivating factor for the northern states. If it had been, then they would have outlawed slavery in 1861, when the southern states formed the Confederacy. Rather, the Union did not outlaw slavery until 1863, two years later. Furthermore, slavery was only decalred illegal in those states which were “in rebellion.” This meant that the slaves held in Kentucky, Missouri, western Virginia (now West Virginia), and Maryland could still be lawfully held.

    The Union states also held that it was illegal for the southern states to withdraw from the Union, thus they fought to hold those southern states as members of the Union and considered them in rebellion. However, nowhere in the Constitution of the US are the words “perpetual union” to be found. These words WERE present in the Articles of Confederation which was the law of the fledgling United States until the Constitution was ratified in 1787. The fact that those words are not present in the Constitution was/is considered by many to be a “conspicuous absence.” This means that the opportunity to include these words was there, but these words were omitted for a reason. Namely, that our founders believed that the states should have the right and ability to wothdraw from the Union at any time they deemed the Union to be detrimental to their existence and sovereignty as states.

    And BOY am I getting verbose!

    To put it succinctly, there are numerous reasons to study the period of our nation’s history from its conception until reconstruction. The history books currently used in our public schools offer very little information for someone wishing to learn about the history of our great nation. Rather, they offer a brief summary of what happened and when rather than an in depth study as to the true causes of that horrible conflict.

    Unfortunately, our schools today are less concerned with education and more focused on indoctrination.

  26. Swamp Angel says:

    By the way, did y’all know that today (Jan. 19th) is Robt. E. Lee’s Birthday?
    Odd topic to stumble across today.

  27. steve says:

    So far Swamp Angel is the only person here who’s worth paying attention too. He/she did miss one important point though, slaves were NOT freed as a result of the war. The Emancipation Proclamation that was passed after the war didn’t require existing slaves be freed, only that people could not acquire new slaves. Yes, many slaves were freed as a result, but they were freed voluntarily by their “owners”. This is a widely misunderstood point. And to the jackass who criticizes people for trying to use correct grammar and spelling, at we can (for the most part, it’s been a long time since I sat in an English class).

  28. steve says:

    Disregard that I suck Cocks.

    Internets. SERIOUS BUSINESS!

  29. Tony says:

    Swamp Angel is right on. Everyone should get a copy of the Emancipation Proclimation and READ it. It ‘freed’ very few slaves and none in the north.
    The real fire that got the pot boiling was the Internal Improvements Act that placed a heavy tax on the South for ‘improvements’ in the North.

  30. Huge Balls says:

    The Civil War was all about slavery.

    The southern bankers were pretty happy having black people as slaves.

    The northern bankers were not happy. They wanted everyone as slaves.

    The north won.

    So the next time you pay income tax to the IRS (It’s Really Slavery), smile and enjoy being a slave on the global plantation.

  31. ColNorfleet says:

    NOYOUSUCK: Well just remember us “inbred southerners” wiped about 104,000 more of you snot-nosed yankees off the planet before we were beaten.

    Not too hard to win that war when the North was drafting ever poor mick that came off the boat into the army so they could continue to feed them into the meat grinder of the south. That war was a dark time in our history but it was inevitable. Slavery was and is a sin and had to be abolished. But when pricks like NOYOUSUCK get all high and mighty, they tend to forget that most Confederate soldiers were not slave holders and did not give a damn about slavery. They fought against an invading force, no matter the reason for invasion. Most of them died with the intention to protect their homes and families, not the institution of slavery. Even if that was the real political endgame.

  32. VADER says:

    penis.

  33. Larry says:

    My God. Even the one correcting her is wrong.

  34. gareth says:

    well you lot wrecked that joke ahaha, who gives a shit.

  35. bill says:

    there was amassive stockpile of weapons that had a useby date so use it or lose it same as what is happening in afgaistan plus emptys jails

  36. Chrissy says:

    I want some chicken nuggets

  37. Steve says:

    The civil war was an attempt by Parliament to limit the power of the King, Charles I, who believed in the divine right to rule and wanted more and more money to fight wars with France. Parliament succeeded which is why we are now a constitutional monarchy.

    Hey, the US isn’t the only country to have had a civil war :p

  38. Gay Cockinyafenya says:

    your all faggots

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